Anal sex is one of the most popular sexual fantasies people want to explore.
We know it's on people's minds regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or relationship status because of how often we get questions from the community about it.
Anal sex is so much more than anal penetration with a penis. Oral-anal activity (aka rimming), fingering (with or without penetration), fisting and other forms of stimulation all fall under the anal sex umbrella.
Before we even start, let’s be clear about one thing: Anal sex shouldn’t HURT.
Can anal sex lead to orgasm?
Penetrative anal sex and other anal play can absolutely lead to orgasm — but it can still be incredibly pleasurable if it doesn’t.
For receptive partners with a prostate, the stimulation from a penis, finger, or toy can result in full body pleasure. For those with a vulva, penetrative anal sex can indirectly stimulate the spot on the anterior wall of the vaginal canal.
Anal sex is considered somewhat riskier than other types of sex, but probably not for the reasons you think. Penetrative play won’t stretch your anus to the point of causing anal leakage or anything like that.
External tissue and skin work as a protective barrier to help keep bacteria and other unwanted organisms out of your body — your anal skin and tissue included.
The tissue on the inside, on the other hand, is a lot thinner and therefore prone to tearing and bleeding. Taking a little time to prep before play can help reduce the risk of injury and transmission of bacteria.
Anal fissures
The delicate skin of the anus is more susceptible to tiny tears or anal fissures. Small but deep, fissures can cause severe pain and bright red bleeding after anal play or a bowel movement.
Anal fissures usually heal on their own in a few weeks. Taking a break from anal play can help speed things along. You might also consider a stool softener to prevent hard poop from irritating the fissure further.
Infections
Although any type of sex without a barrier increases your risk of contracting or transmitting a sexually transmitted infection STI, the risk is a tad higher with anal play. STIs transmitted through vaginal or anal secretions, semen, or blood can enter the body through anal fissures.
Likewise, the receiver’s anal secretions or blood can transmit an STI to the person performing oral-anal, fingering, or penetrative anal sex. There’s also the potential contact with bacteria that could potentially lead to other infections, like urinary tract infections UTI or gastrointestinal illnesses, depending on the sort of contact made.
Colon perforation
Colon perforation is rare, but possible. Head to the nearest emergency room if you experience heavy or prolonged rectal bleeding and abdominal pain following anal penetration with a penis, toy, or other objects.
How to Prepare for Anal Sex
Heres a list of what you want to have on hand:
- Lube: Everything on this list is negotiable except the lube. Sexual lubricant is an absolute need for pleasurable anal sex because, unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating.
Which one is best for you depends on your needs. Silicone-based lubes tend to last longer but aren’t compatible with silicone toys. Water-based lube are compatible with any sex toys and condoms. But can contain glycerin, which is an allergen for some people. If you already know you’re sensitive to it, keep an eye on the ingredients and opt for a glycerin free lube.
- Anal toys: After your fingers, using sex toys is one of the best ways to train for anal sex. And the best toys for anal training are always the ones designed for anal play. Regardless of what you’re putting up your butt, the most important thing is that you don’t lose it up there. Because of how anal sphincter muscles work, it’s possible for the items you insert to get sucked up inside when you’re excited or mid-orgasm. This is why your anal sex toys must have a flared base. If it doesn’t have a flared base, it doesn’t go in your butt.
Get ready for pleasure
Have a bowel movement
For comfort and cleanliness, try to go to the bathroom before you get started. If you can’t though, no stress. Feces are stored in the rectum, not the anal canal. If you don’t feel like you need to go, it means that any poop hasn’t made its way far enough down the colon to matter yet.
Have a bath or shower
With mild, gentle soap and a clean cloth, wash the area around your genitals and anus. You can also press a soaped-up finger into your ass to clean out the entryway and begin your warm up. Again, gentle is key because the tissue inside the anal opening is delicate. Rinse well when you’re done.
Cut your nails
To prevent minor tears to the delicate anal lining, it’s a good idea for everyone to trim their fingernails. Otherwise, you can use disposable gloves, which can help prevent discomfort and infection if you have any cuts or scratches on your fingers and hands.
Communication: consent, consent & consent.
Especially if this is your first time doing anal with your partner, it’s important to discuss the specifics beforehand. Talk about your likes and dislikes, what you’re comfortable with, what you’d rather not do yet, and how you’ll communicate when the time comes. You might even want to set a safe word for extra peace of mind.
Sex Toy Cleaning and Considerations
Properly cleaning your sex toys before and after each use is super important. The bacteria living in your anus and rectum is different than in other parts of your body. When transferred to places they don’t belong, these bacteria can cause infections.
For people who have both, nothing that has gone into your anus should ever go directly into your vagina. The same goes for sharing toys between partners. Washing and disinfecting whatever has gone into someone’s anus before it goes anywhere else is crucial to infection prevention. Alternatively, you can use a condom on the toy and switch it between parts and partners.
